You’ve had some Aha! moments, you realize there are some problems with the way you have interacted with others in the past. You no longer accept emotional manipulation or bullying as normal. You’ve stepped back emotionally to evaluate. You’ve implemented new patterns of thought and behavior into your situation or relationship.
Wow! You are a badass!!
But something still feels “off.”
There’s this awkward process when you realize that co-dependency no longer works for you. You’ve gained insight and grown emotionally but those around you haven’t. This means that you are left with a disconnect you didn’t have before.
Before, while still in your co-dependency, you clicked, you connected with your significant other or counterparts because your dysfunction matched theirs. Where they were needy, you were willing to fill the holes. You knew how to respond to the emotional distancing, the criticism, the blame shifting- and when you did; when you were able to successfully fit the bill- you felt connected.
Either that, or you would withdraw until the other came to collect you.
With the maladaptive connection gone, you no longer have “that spark” of connection.
So What Now?
There's a grieving, a healing process to go through. When we come out of co-dependency, we have to let go of old relationships, the old self, and find something new, different and healthy. And that takes work. And some grieving. And some healing.
The only way out is through, my friends. Roll up your sleeves and get to work,- M
The video version (vlog) of this blog entry is at https://youtu.be/aSBOp2-OuQ0 And I think you might notice I'm getting less awkward on-screen. Or I'm trying anyway.
Photo credit: pixabay
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The Motley Ms.
Hi! My name is Melinda. I'm a saved-by-grace-er, lifelong learner, INFJ, health & fitness trynabe, Mom, #vanlifer, mental health vlogger, and Director & Clinical Supervisor at a Child & Family Therapy Practice in Northern California.
The Motley Ms
The Therapist's Therapy Blog