Life is Messy

There are times when I’m embarrassed by all of the crap I’ve been through, as if I did something to deserve a markedly unstable and profoundly painful life.  Or, as if I don’t try at all and my results are a simply consequences of reckless living.

Reckless- ha!  Sometimes I wish I could be so un-vigilant as to be reckless… to just check out.  Run away.  Get drunk -- well, anything to escape the pain of loss, betrayal and repeated failure.

But, alas, I am far too responsible and much too self-aware to divulge in such daredevil antics.  (And the cleanup would just be a mess!)  Also, my free-floating guilt drives me to be uber-conscientious of well, everything.

Thankfully, I can say that through all of the trails and heartbreak (and despite my quasi-neurotic need to be “good,”) I’ve always grown stronger.  Kicking and screaming, I’ve grown stronger- in my faith, my perseverance, my hope, my love.  Even though I think I might die first. 

Life is messy.  And then there’s grace.  And I’m learning more about it every day. (Check out Romans 5:3-5.)