Initial Shock of Loss

Loved ones.  Innocence.  Hope. Stability.  A planned future.

Lost. 

The ground disappears beneath your feet.  Life is forever changed.  It has to be a nightmare, but no, it is real.  You are here, shattered in a million pieces, trying to find… anything at all.

The initial stage of healing from loss involves a weird, ugly fog for those who are left in the aftermath.  You feel numb, tired, and/or in a daze.

People in the fog sometimes wonder, “Why aren’t I taking this harder?”  Or, they might say things like “This can’t be real,” or “It hasn’t sunk in yet.” 

This is our natural psychological defense kicking in to protect us, much like a circuit breaker protects your home from unsafe surges of electricity.  “Grief brain” is a term used to describe the spacy- forgetful-clumsiness that accompanies the fog.

If you have recently experienced the death of a loved one, you might hear his voice, see her driving around town.  You might have realistic dreams- if you can sleep at all.

This combination of experiences can make grievers feel as if they are going crazy.  They are not.  This is part of the normal healing process.  I encourage you to journal.  You likely won’t remember many details of these days, and having a record may help you along future stages of this grieving / healing process.

There is a saying in the recovery world : You have to feel it to heal it.  This is true for all areas of life.  There is no easy way out.  You have to go through it.  Grab a friend's hand and take a deep breath.  This is going to be possibly the hardest thing you've ever done.  but you can do it.  You can heal.

Photo credit: Microsoft stock

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