Healing is a funny thing. Not funny ha-ha, but funny weird. You ride the roller coaster from hell, sit with your feelings, practice your healthy coping skills and work on creating your "cohesive narrative," whatever that is.
Then, one day it happens.
The beautiful, magnificient "ah!" Moment that appears as a thought or an insight... a lesson learned... a spark of joy amidst the sadness. A ray of hope for the future. This is typically what might be referred to as the Acceptance phase of the grieving process.
Granted, it's not a warm fuzzy "Gee, I'm glad that horrible thing happened in my life becuase now I'm ________ (stronger / have better boundaries/ more equipped to help others...)" feeling.
No. It's more like, "Gee, that horrible thing happened in my life and it almost took me out. I have scars to prove it. [Yes, the emotional ones count- maybe more so.] But in surviving ____________ (here's where you put in your terrible life event), I discovered that ______________ (here's where you get to celebrate your victory/ lesson / newfound strength/ etc.)!"
It's a "beauty for ashes" thing. That sounds really nice in a blog, or on a card, or as a meme, but the reality of "beauty for ashes" involves an inferno- a hell of some sort- that we survied in order to receive the beauty.
That part isn't so much fun. I get it. (sigh)
Yes, life is filled with heartache and trails. But, it is also filled with healing, hope and joy. Sometimes we have to sift through the charred debris to that happy stuff... to find meaning in our suffering... to give purpose to our pain.
But finding the treasure is worth it.
By now, you know I am a bit of a snail when it comes to healing. I'm not sure if it's an INFJ thing or an HSP thing. Wait, is "INFJ" really that different from "HSP"? Probably not.
Anyway, I do take my time in grieving. I won't say it's "a long time" because everyone grieves and heals at their own pace. It's a unique- dare I say lonely?- process. And, my time is my time.
But, when I'm done, I'm done.
How about you? Have you discovered the hidden gems of pain and sorrow? Have you found a renewed ability to persevere? A tenderness or insight for helping the broken?
I hope you have. If you have not, remember: you have not yet. Keep searching. Keep healing. Those gems are there.
We are in this human thing together, my friends! Much love.
Photo credit: http://www.powerpackedpromises.com
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The Motley Ms.
Hi! My name is Melinda. I'm a saved-by-grace-er, lifelong learner, INFJ, health & fitness trynabe, Mom, #vanlifer, mental health vlogger, and Director & Clinical Supervisor at a Child & Family Therapy Practice in Northern California.
The Motley Ms
The Therapist's Therapy Blog