Yep. I'm a Counselor.
Is your career reflective of your personality? If you don't find the right fit, you will be unhappy at work.
Guard your hearts, my friends. - M
Inconsistencies and incongruencies in people bother me. A lot. Not in a ‘I need total predictability and complete control’ type of way, but in a ‘you need to be trustworthy in order to gain my trust’ kind of way.
It’s like this: you tell me you are such and so, or you believe in this or that, then you do something totally opposite of your own stated moral code. I’m going to be like WTF? If your integrity is a fluid concept that changes with opportunity or circumstance, it’s an act; a lie you tell yourself and others.
In my little INFJ mind, no one knows the depths of their own morality until it is challenged. Talk is cheap. It is when life provides the temptation, justification, or excuse to do whatever- that thing we say we won’t do- that we each will come face to face with truth about our own moral limits (read: lack of integrity).
When you show me with your own actions how easily your limits are pushed; how quickly your values are tossed aside in favor of convenience, comfort or personal gain, it is the moment when I lose respect for, and ability to trust you. (Hence, the infamous INFJ door slam.)
If your choices have affected me personally, I have experienced it as a betrayal and it has hurt me greatly. If your actions have been toward others, I see how little you value other people, commitment, and/or relationships. I see how easy it is for you to hurt others- either intentionally or in self-absorbed ignorant bliss. I see how insignificant it is to live what you believe, to set a good example or to care about your own reputation or legacy. I see how you disregard God, as if He is not there, or has not given us direction on proper living. I’m also put on notice of how you will soon treat me, if I allow it. (Again, INFJ door slam.)
I realize that some people may consider this opinion extreme, and tell me that we should adopt a “live and let live” mentality. Lighten up. To each his own. Don’t take things so personally. If I could do that, I wouldn’t be an INFJ. And if that was such great advice, we wouldn’t have the saying, “When people show you who they are, believe them." (Maya Angelou)
Moral of the story:
Say what you mean and mean what you say;
Stay in the life of an INFJ.
Photo credit: Google images
, (Part I here)
Someone had selfishly caused me an enormous amount of emotional pain (why isn’t there a more potent English word than enormous?), and my overactive morality wouldn’t let me indulge in reckless attempts to quench the pain… or get even. So, I lived with my pain. I sat with it. I became uncomfortably acquainted with it.
And I prayed. A lot. I prayed whiney prayers like “Whuuuhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?” and solemn prayers like, “If this is what it takes to know You more,” and studious prayers like “What are You teaching me in this?” and desperate prayers like “Please make it stop!” and spiritual prayers like “Thy will be done.”
But the pain persisted. Unrelenting gut wrenching emotional pain.
So, I read. I read everything related to what I was experiencing. I read through tears. I read when I couldn’t sleep. I read when I should have been doing other things like cleaning the house or working. I read everything I could get my hands on, as if I could somehow find emotional healing through intellectual pursuits. I knew better. I knew that ingesting massive amounts of information wasn’t going to solve my emotional problem. But nevertheless, I tried.
Click! Light bulb moment. These were my morally acceptable (yet ineffective? time will tell) coping skills- binge prayer and overly-enthusiastic reading. (Just so you know, I usually experience this kind of Aha! moment from the other side, being a therapist and all… but here it is in all its glory. Pretty cool, huh? You’re welcome. And just like therapy office Aha! moments, this was probably obvious to everyone but me.)
Anyway, it was around the six month mark that the tsunami / roller coaster/ living hell began to let up a bit. I wasn’t completely out of the woods, but I had some moments of peace, blips of happiness, and even a few positive thoughts for the future.
But there was my brain. My memory. This disgusting new knowledge. And, well, once you know something, you can’t un-know it. Anybody got a light?
Photo credit: Shutterstock
trying to dull pain, coping skills, mental health blog, recovering from emotional trauma
The Motley Ms.
Hi! My name is Melinda. I'm a saved-by-grace-er, lifelong learner, INFJ, health & fitness trynabe, Mom, #vanlifer, mental health vlogger, and Director & Clinical Supervisor at a Child & Family Therapy Practice in Northern California.
The Motley Ms
The Therapist's Therapy Blog