Hello Younger Me!  Today is your birthday and I want to celebrate and honor you. You were meant to be here, know that for sure.  I wasn't around yet, but let me tell you, I rejoice in the day you were born. You are the reason I am me. Actually, you are me- just older- but we'll get to that in a minute.

You are one tough cookie.  Smart, too! You were given the burdens of your parents' pain. Burdens you never should have carried, but you did.  You knew instinctively to help more, to try harder, to smile at the world and pretend everything was okay.  (You have a beautiful smile, by the way even thought you aren't quite smiling in this photo here). 

You did what was necessary for survival.  I'm not sure how you knew all of that, but today I look at you and I am amazed!  You... I... we... wouldn't be here today if you didn't know how to fight to survive.  

We still use those survival skills from time to time, but don't worry about that.  I have - older you has- been figuring out how to live in a world that is different; not as scary. Not as exhausting.  And, guess what! You were right!  You can grow up to be that person that you wished you had in your life- and you did.  And that's where I come in- I am the older you that you wanted to give your pain a purpose.  I am that you that you imagined could be.

I know it's hard to see right now because things are so inescapably difficult.  You cry yourself to sleep at night because it seems as if your survival skills (you don't know to call them that yet) aren't working.  You somehow know there is a God and you ask, no beg, Him for help.  You can't yet see Him working all things together for good.  You feel alone and lonely.

You struggle with feeling unlovable, too. Soon you will struggle even more... with self-hatred and a sense of extremely low-self worth. You will feel rejected, abandoned- as if you are downing in worthlessness.

Let me tell you, those feelings have nothing to do with you or who you are. 

You see, kids are meant to face challenges in developmentally appropriate stages- where they can take the success and confidence of one stage and move on to the next.  Think about how a child will learn how to crawl before he or she can walk, and so on.  You wouldn't give a new born baby a steak and a bicycle and say, "Power up and ride, Baby!" 

Well, this concept is true for all aspects of development- cognitive, mental, emotional, social, educational, and so on.  

Some of the emotional and inter-relational developmental challenges you are facing are difficult even for adults who were able to reach the necessary preliminary foundational milestones.  Basically, you are being handed level 10 challenges without even being trained at level 1.  You are going to fail.  And it's not your fault.

Be patient, Younger Me, one day we will go back and learn levels 1-9. We will understand why we do what we do. And we will have compassion on our self. We will learn to change our faulty programming in what is called "re-parenting."  We will discover that we were fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of a God who loves us.  We will have Aha! Moments, connect the dots, learn healthier coping skills and breathe a sigh of relief. 

Later, you... yes, older you... will learn; I ... learned and am still learning and healing and growing.  We will make sense of the past and put those old negative, self-defeating feelings behind us... for the most part, anyway. 
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We will learn to be comfortable in our own skin. Don't lose heart, Younger Me.  We will make it- to half a century (!!!), at least.  Maybe more.  For sure, into eternity after our time in this world is over. Younger Me, I send you strength and peace and hope.  Remember, you. are. loved.

What does your younger self need to hear from you today, my friends? Remember, you- you today and you of long ago- are loved with an eternal love. - M

Me "today."  (not really today, but you know...) 

Mad?

No, I'm not mad. 

I'm too busy being thankful that God saved me from a life of chaos and lunacy and trying too hard and always failing to be mad.  Too busy finally finding out who I am - and that I actually like me- to be mad.

Too busy living life and smiling and finding what it means to be fully authentic. Too busy working hard and sleeping well and having energy and simply being to be mad.

Mad is what you tell other people so I'll look like the bad guy. 

Okay, I'll be the bad guy.  Mad. Unforgiving. Unreasonable. Cold. Uncaring.  And all of the other things you can say about me. 

It's clearly my fault. It always has been, right?

And I'm completely okay with that. You see, your opinion of me does not define me.  What your neighbors and family think about me doesn't bother me.  Man's assessment of me doesn't determine my value. Gossip and rumors and messages sent from "concerned" others have no bearing on the course of my life.

I walk in freedom with an Audience of One.

Go on, say what you say.  

I know I am free.

Photo credit: Pixabay as usual
Blog topic credit: Jesus, my life, done been healed from codependency

What if this isn't the end of the world?
What if I am in the process of moving even closer to who I am meant to be?
What if things really do work out for the good?
What if there is a beautiful lesson here?
What if fiery trials actually refine souls?
What if I can and will get over this?
What if this is actually making me stronger?
What if my brain is lying to me when it says, "You can't survive this"?
What if there is a bigger picture and things I just don't know yet?
What if there really is beauty for ashes?
What if I believe that God is Who He says He is?
What if it really does take longer for the heart to understand what the head already knows?
What if I'm going to look back on this in 5 years and laugh?
What if this is actually saving me from something far worse?
What if I will help someone one day because I have walked this road?

Give yourself permission to consider the "what ifs," my friends. What if hope is waiting in the midst? Be healed.  Be loved.  You are loved, Beloved.

photo credit: pixabay