I hear so much about revenge and "destroying the narcissist." I get it- Partners get hurt by insensitive and selfish behavior. But, I’m wondering if this is why we’ve seen such a spike in narcissistic behavior lately? Are we part of the problem?
We – the non-narcissists- the 'victims' of 'narcissistic abuse'- are escalating the situation by triggering more narcissistic behavior from the narcissist. When we do hurtful things (regardless of what was done to us), we are sending a message that relationships aren't safe and people can't be trusted- and thereby validate the Narcissist's attitude and behaviors!
It's a vicious cycle.
Not only that, when we purposefully seek revenge, we are 'stooping to their level' as the saying goes. No- actually we are worse because we are doing it on purpose. They are doing it because of a brain issue or unresolved trauma- or both. So, who really has the problem here?
Shouldn't we, the more emotionally mature and aware should be doing something different? I mean, we want different, right? We want out of the toxic dance.
Let's sit this one out.
Dance the happy dance, my friends- M
Subscribe to my therapy vlog at Can We Talk? or find me @TweetmentPlan. And, of course, come visit me here again soon! :)
Photo credit: pixabay
narcissist, revenge, learning, disability, brain
So remember that YT channel I mentioned in an earlier post? Yeah, It's not actually deleted. And it has over 280,000 views. And I'm locked out of it.
And I don't own the website I had linked the channel is no longer mine. I let it expire when I supposedly took the channel down. And someone else grabbed it. Of course.
And reclaiming the channel? I've tried everything. No luck.
Apparently the Google-Youtube conglomerate has no tech support. Whatsoever.
I took a screenshot of a post on a therapy help message board a while back. I get the pain. I know the hurt and confusion associated with being in a 'relationship' with a Narcissist. But unleashing the fury of hell upon them only makes matters worse.
1) It overlooks the core issue of unresolved trauma, 2) it reinforces stigma regarding mental health disorders and 3) it diminishes the possibility of empowerment for those who have survived the most difficult relationship .of their lives.
I hope the above comment was not made by a therapist. (If it was, 'you got some splainin to do.' )
It is true, however, that when one member of a couple presents with a personality disorder or other mental health issue, or if there is domestic violence involved, couples counseling is not considered appropriate. Rather, each person is referred to individual therapy to work on their own "stuff" prior to commencing couples treatment.
Nevertheless, therapists have their own 'joke' about Narcissism. For example, I found this one posted on a private Facebook group for licensed therapists. It was a new post, but had already received over 100 "likes" by the time I grabbed a copy of it to write this blog entry.
Look I get it... Narcissists are difficult, to say the least. Grandiosity, arrogance, lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, gaslighting... ugh.
But let's just suppose that all of these unpleasant interpersonal qualities are ineffective defense mechanisms created since childhood in an effort to survive. What if the Narcissist is really a grown wounded child? Would we look at things differently? Would we name call, poke fun and wish death upon this child?
Is there another, more helpful... dare I say therapeutic... way of effectively working with and successfully living with a person who suffers from a personality disorder?
Photo credits undisclosed to protect the, well, uh...
The video version of this random thought can be found at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIIpZ7bnz5WeoANZaVj1-sA?
Subscribe to the therapist's mental health vlog at Can We Talk? or find me @TweetmentPlan.
narcissism childhood trauma, therapy blog
The Motley Ms.
Hi! My name is Melinda. I'm a saved-by-grace-er, lifelong learner, INFJ, health & fitness trynabe, Mom, #vanlifer, mental health vlogger, and Director & Clinical Supervisor at a Child & Family Therapy Practice in Northern California.
The Motley Ms
The Therapist's Therapy Blog