For reasons that at first appeared completely valid, but turned out to be non-existent, I spent a great deal of time being extremely frugal. Excessively so. So dang careful about my finances that I refused to buy new running shoes, even when it was beyond time to replace them.
Back in the day, I had two or three in-good-condition pairs that I rotated. (Like you are supposed to do.) But, times change and financial statuses change. I was on a budget. I had a savings. I had goals and plans. No room for frivolous expenses. I was going to buckle down, suck it up, make it happen.
“I don’t really run that much.” “I don’t work out that hard.” “They’ve still got some wear left in them.” I told myself anything to rationalize my buying choice-- or lack thereof.
Then it happened- the smack-back; the consequences of failing to do what was right. Pain of all sorts: foot, ankle, knee, back… and shin splints to boot. I mean hard-to-walk pain. Pushing the workout shoes a bit further became no workout at all. Talk about a backfire.
While I was resting my aching body, I found a great deal online (thanks REI). Aren’t they beautiful?! And, I resolved to never be so stupid (or overly frugal) again. I mean, I preach about self-care allllll the time. And there I was: guilty of the opposite- even though I told myself I was simply being financially disciplined. (Can you say 'rationalization' ?)
So now, let these beautiful orange and pink shoes (and my unnecessary pain) be a symbol of balance, moderation and overall common sense. What self-care item have you been putting off?
Ever meet one of those couples? You know, one of them is outgoing / charming/ nice/ jovial / great. And the other is, well not-so-much. Grumpy is angry / unfriendly / distant/ aloof. You might have thought “What is Charming doing with Grumpy?” or “How in the heck did Grumpy land such a great catch?!”
Well, did you ever consider that things are not always as they appear? We truly never know what goes on behind closed doors. And this is often the case in the Charming – Grumpy relationship. But, not in the way you might expect.
You see, it is completely possible that Grumpy just experienced another one of Charming’s long hysterical, angry tirades, or caught Charming in yet another lie. Maybe Charming just depleted the couple’s bank account, or has pushed Grumpy close to the edge of sanity because of that issue. Maybe Grumpy is thinking “Why can’t you act this nice at home?” or “I wish I could call you out on all of your bs.”
Why Grumpy stays with Charming is a complicated matter, too lengthy to discuss in this post. But, let’s just say, Grumpy may not be that grumpy, after all. Grumpy just might be tired, worn out, at his or her wit’s end, hopeless and fed up. Charming, likewise, is probably anything but.
The next time you see a Charming-Grumpy mix, try to tame your initial judgments. There might be more to the scene than you realize.
Inconsistencies and incongruencies in people bother me. A lot. Not in a ‘I need total predictability and complete control’ type of way, but in a ‘you need to be trustworthy in order to gain my trust’ kind of way.
It’s like this: you tell me you are such and so, or you believe in this or that, then you do something totally opposite of your own stated moral code. I’m going to be like WTF? If your integrity is a fluid concept that changes with opportunity or circumstance, it’s an act; a lie you tell yourself and others.
In my little INFJ mind, no one knows the depths of their own morality until it is challenged. Talk is cheap. It is when life provides the temptation, justification, or excuse to do whatever- that thing we say we won’t do- that we each will come face to face with truth about our own moral limits (read: lack of integrity).
When you show me with your own actions how easily your limits are pushed; how quickly your values are tossed aside in favor of convenience, comfort or personal gain, it is the moment when I lose respect for, and ability to trust you. (Hence, the infamous INFJ door slam.)
If your choices have affected me personally, I have experienced it as a betrayal and it has hurt me greatly. If your actions have been toward others, I see how little you value other people, commitment, and/or relationships. I see how easy it is for you to hurt others- either intentionally or in self-absorbed ignorant bliss. I see how insignificant it is to live what you believe, to set a good example or to care about your own reputation or legacy. I see how you disregard God, as if He is not there, or has not given us direction on proper living. I’m also put on notice of how you will soon treat me, if I allow it. (Again, INFJ door slam.)
I realize that some people may consider this opinion extreme, and tell me that we should adopt a “live and let live” mentality. Lighten up. To each his own. Don’t take things so personally. If I could do that, I wouldn’t be an INFJ. And if that was such great advice, we wouldn’t have the saying, “When people show you who they are, believe them." (Maya Angelou)
Moral of the story:
Say what you mean and mean what you say;
Stay in the life of an INFJ.
Photo credit: Google images
The Motley Ms.
Hi! My name is Melinda. I'm a saved-by-grace-er, lifelong learner, INFJ, health & fitness trynabe, Mom, #vanlifer, mental health vlogger, and Director & Clinical Supervisor at a Child & Family Therapy Practice in Northern California.
The Motley Ms
The Therapist's Therapy Blog