“I’m Definitely NOT Okay!”

 w




















The fog phase is often interrupted with the bargaining phase.  It’s not just the “Oh, God, if You just (do such and such)… then I will (do such and such)…” It’s also the “I have to be strong for so and so” phase.  It’s the “I’m a good Christian; I have to endure suffering with joy” phase.

It’s the time of weaving in and out of the fog, having moments of “No! This can’t be my new reality,” followed by desperate, panicky attempts to figure out how this is all a mistake or any of the statement made in the first paragraph.  It’s the denial, the minimizing of the loss, and/or the futile attempts to convince yourself and others that “everything will be okay,” or that “I’m fine… “

Yes, some day you will be ok, but saying that now does not make it true.  There is a huge valley to cross before it will be “okay.”  Right now, it is definitely NOT okay. 

And that’s okay.

It’s okay to be sad.  It’s alright to feel empty.  It’s completely acceptable to feel hopeless, hurt, confused, angry, numb, and a 1,000 other things all at once.  It’s okay to not rush the okay-ness.

Right now, take your time.  Give yourself permission to be messed up, broken, and not alright.

For a little while. It is, after all, a process.  It’s part of grieving.  It’s part of healing.

More information on a theory of the stages of grief can be found at http://www.ekrfoundation.org/  The phases I describe are similar, but not the same as those developed by Elisabeth Kubler- Ross. 

Photo credit: Microsoft stock

---